"That Calorpian Demon!"

I'll tell you about a Calorpian Demon,
to shock you in sheer disbelief,
his horns were a' curly,
his muscles a' burly,
he lived in a barrier reef!

Inside of the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would munch on his victims' souls,
he'd wait til' they clustered,
then smear them with mustard,
and stockpile their remnants in bowls!

When leaving the reef for a night at the office,
that Demon would stroll through the park,
he'd stalk every lady,
devour every baby,
but get to the office by dark!

At work, this specific Calorpian Demon,
was famed for his broad expertise,
his figures for killin'
were matched by his skill in
dismembering children with ease!

By dawn the next morn', that Calorpian Demon,
would punch out from work for the night,
he'd eat his assistant,
to keep self-sufficient,
then dance on her burial site!

When back at the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would kick up his feet and relax,
he'd snack on a fetus,
then drink margaritas,
and ponder his demon-ly acts!

*Calorpia is a fictitious nation fraught with perils both demonic and economic. Additionally, the position of "Personal Assistant to That Calorpian Demon" has an extremely high turnover rate.

"Cheevers The Pulp Salesman"

Should Cheevers The Pulp Salesman knock at your door,
give welcome with kindness, develop rapport,
for should you give Cheevers a reason for war,
he'll disrobe your skin to a musical score.

He'll flirt with your nostrils, he'll dance with your tongue,
he'll sip chardonnay while he sweet-talks your lungs,
he'll BOAST to your spleen 'bout the length that he's hung,
for courting your innards makes Cheevers feel young.

"But how 'bout his PULP?" you may wonder perplexed...
Have patience, you scoundrel, I'm getting there next!
Your rude interruption has made me quite vexed,
when this tale is over, I'll beat you do death!

See, PULP-WISE, Ol' Cheevers is stocked to the brim,
for hijacking PULP from his Siamese Twin
allows him to sell at a dollar per bin...
his quarterly profits are stashed in Berlin!

SO...

Should Cheevers The Pulp Salesman come to your home,
just purchase his pulp, and he'll leave you alone,
denying him business enrages his BONES,
but helps him make love to your retinal cones!

*Narrator beats reader to death*

"Calligraphy Scallion"

Caligraphy Scallion proposed legislation
to Senators grand and elite:
"I'm leery of sustenance in this great nation...
let's make it illegal to eat!"

The Senate, intrigued by his new-age proposal,
decided to hear out the bill,
though grassroots support would be stiff and immobile,
he'd seen the law work in Brazil.

"See, calories never did NOTHIN' for NO ONE!"
he stated whilst slamming his fist,
"I'd rather be shot by a poisonous blow gun
than munch on a satchel of chips!"

"Unless I'm mistaken," one Senator stated,
"Don't people need food to survive?"
"Of COURSE not, Caligraphy Scallion debated,
it's starving that keeps you alive!"

The Senate, compelled by his rational pleading,
soon signed the young bill into law,
aware that the subsequent legal proceeding,
would draw a collective "Hurrah!"

Caligraphy Scallion concluded the session,
the Senate recessed until Spring,
when scientists championed food repossession,
he'd know that he'd done the right thing.