Bergruntha was a spicy wench,
who lusted for a prince,
a nobleman with little stench,
compelled her lust convinced.
She traipsed about the village square,
as naked as they come,
"I'd LOVE a Prince who's fought a bear!"
she cooed whilst drinking rum.
A group of Princes gathered 'round
Bergruntha's lusty form,
"I fought a bear AND ate a clown!"
spoke one to toot his horn.
"Now listen, boys," Bergruntha moaned,
voluptuous and grand,
"Bergruntha's Prince must lease, not own
a boat that's second hand!"
"I've only got a brand new boat!"
piped one Prince from the side,
"Well then, I'll kick you in the throat!"
that spicy wench replied.
Of all the suitors in the crowd,
Bergruntha found no mate,
"I'm sultry, but you're not allowed
to help me procreate!"
The Princes hung their heads in shame,
and exited the square,
Bergruntha's lust could not be tamed...
to them it seemed unfair.
Bergruntha, now reflecting on,
the Princes she'd denied,
decided to wreak doom upon,
all peoples nationwide.
THE END.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
*intermission*
Hello, you apes,
I've started to post readings of my poems (amongst other goonery) on YouTube under the name "acebedrin"...here are a couple of them:
Calorie Goof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNEIFWD7E4g
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx1v7pF2UH0
I swear to God I'm not a douchebag...I was never fond of the idea of YouTube before recently, but have now conceded to its awesome power as an expressive medium. I justify my actions by assuring you that I won't use to it to publicize my political opinions or whine about things. Apologies in advance to anyone who just finds them plain annoying (seriously).
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka insanitybear aka acebedrin
I've started to post readings of my poems (amongst other goonery) on YouTube under the name "acebedrin"...here are a couple of them:
Calorie Goof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNEIFWD7E4g
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx1v7pF2UH0
I swear to God I'm not a douchebag...I was never fond of the idea of YouTube before recently, but have now conceded to its awesome power as an expressive medium. I justify my actions by assuring you that I won't use to it to publicize my political opinions or whine about things. Apologies in advance to anyone who just finds them plain annoying (seriously).
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka insanitybear aka acebedrin
Saturday, June 12, 2010
"Calorie Goof"
Siphon your eyes! Shingle your roof!
Spot-weld your face, 'cause its CALORIE GOOF!
He'll snort honey mustard while drinking vermouth,
then castrate your 'Pa in a telephone booth!
Spot-weld your face, 'cause its CALORIE GOOF!
He'll snort honey mustard while drinking vermouth,
then castrate your 'Pa in a telephone booth!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
"Demented Uncle Soupface"
Demented Uncle Soupface was a swine to end all pigs,
who bore his children in a boat, then locked them in the brig,
"Please let us out!" the children yelled, "We're skinnier than twigs!"
but all he did was cackle as he danced a merry jig.
Demented Uncle Soupface coaxed a tapeworm up his nose,
whilst trying to find a reason for his legs to decompose,
when suddenly his hair turned blonde as Marilyn Monroe's,
he danced along the boardwalk with his testicles exposed.
Demented Uncle Soupface was the sanest of the sane,
whose common sense was envied o'er the land and 'cross the plain,
his children (though he loved them dear), did nothing but complain,
but soon they'd see what it was like inside their Uncle's Brain...
who bore his children in a boat, then locked them in the brig,
"Please let us out!" the children yelled, "We're skinnier than twigs!"
but all he did was cackle as he danced a merry jig.
Demented Uncle Soupface coaxed a tapeworm up his nose,
whilst trying to find a reason for his legs to decompose,
when suddenly his hair turned blonde as Marilyn Monroe's,
he danced along the boardwalk with his testicles exposed.
Demented Uncle Soupface was the sanest of the sane,
whose common sense was envied o'er the land and 'cross the plain,
his children (though he loved them dear), did nothing but complain,
but soon they'd see what it was like inside their Uncle's Brain...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
"Pluh-Fronga The Penguin"
(pluh-frawn-guh)
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin (assaulting a stork),
was publically chiding the Mayor of New York,
"Hey, Michael!" he jeered while he dry-humped Bjork,
"I voted for you, then you ate all my pork!
Mayor Bloomberg, embarrased by what he'd begun,
soon ordered Pluh-Fronga to deep-fry a nun,
"Make sure she cooks tender and has lots of fun!"
Pluh-Fronga obeyed, whilst absolving Tim Gunn.
The Mayor and the Penguin, both men of their word,
decided their conflict was far too absurd,
"I'll sell you a nun, then divide her in thirds!"
said Pluh-Fronga The Penguin, promise inferred.
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin (assaulting a stork),
was publically chiding the Mayor of New York,
"Hey, Michael!" he jeered while he dry-humped Bjork,
"I voted for you, then you ate all my pork!
Mayor Bloomberg, embarrased by what he'd begun,
soon ordered Pluh-Fronga to deep-fry a nun,
"Make sure she cooks tender and has lots of fun!"
Pluh-Fronga obeyed, whilst absolving Tim Gunn.
The Mayor and the Penguin, both men of their word,
decided their conflict was far too absurd,
"I'll sell you a nun, then divide her in thirds!"
said Pluh-Fronga The Penguin, promise inferred.
"The Beverage Beast"
The Beverage Beast comes out to drink,
when stars come out to shine!
He'll disconnect your kitchen sink,
and wrap your bones with twine!
The Beverage Beast doth have a thirst,
to rival parch-ed men,
and with your sink he'll place a curse,
on dollars changed to yen!
The Beverage Beast (a stubborn drunk),
is not adverse to harm,
he'd liquify a feral skunk,
and drink it on a farm!
So, shouldst thou cross The Beverage Beast,
the option left for you
is: "Drink a beverage made with yeast",
(I've heard that beer will do.)
when stars come out to shine!
He'll disconnect your kitchen sink,
and wrap your bones with twine!
The Beverage Beast doth have a thirst,
to rival parch-ed men,
and with your sink he'll place a curse,
on dollars changed to yen!
The Beverage Beast (a stubborn drunk),
is not adverse to harm,
he'd liquify a feral skunk,
and drink it on a farm!
So, shouldst thou cross The Beverage Beast,
the option left for you
is: "Drink a beverage made with yeast",
(I've heard that beer will do.)
"Ya Grenny" (Bermudian)
Ya Bedrin's mug,
ya Auntie's safe,
ya Grenny's pretty kewl,
Shus sallin' drugs,
to wayward waifs,
den sendin' deym to skewl.
DUN.....ya Grenny's SEXY!
ya Auntie's safe,
ya Grenny's pretty kewl,
Shus sallin' drugs,
to wayward waifs,
den sendin' deym to skewl.
DUN.....ya Grenny's SEXY!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
"Convecting With Stevens"
Convecting with Stevens was always a bore,
the heat made him question the hinges on doors,
"I'm having those flashbacks about the Cold War!"
he'd say to the hinges whilst eating C4.
Convecting with Stevens was never enough,
"This heat makes me think that I'm Hillary Duff!"
he'd scream exothermically, trimming his muff,
whilst callously butchering Shia LaBeouf.
Convecting with Stevens was troubling work,
he'd eat all my tax forms, then call me a "jerk",
t'was tiring, yes, and there weren't many perks,
but Stevens would soon make me "Head Oven Clerk"!
the heat made him question the hinges on doors,
"I'm having those flashbacks about the Cold War!"
he'd say to the hinges whilst eating C4.
Convecting with Stevens was never enough,
"This heat makes me think that I'm Hillary Duff!"
he'd scream exothermically, trimming his muff,
whilst callously butchering Shia LaBeouf.
Convecting with Stevens was troubling work,
he'd eat all my tax forms, then call me a "jerk",
t'was tiring, yes, and there weren't many perks,
but Stevens would soon make me "Head Oven Clerk"!
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