Taxidermy Tim,
tastefully tearing tendons,
tempered Thompson's tongue.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
"T'was The Week After Doomsday" (Parody)
T'was the week after doomsday, when all through the land,
not a creature was living, they'd all turned to sand,
the humans were hung from the bridges with snares,
a sign that the cannibals soon would be there.
The children were scared, hiding under their beds,
while visions of savagery danced through their heads,
and papa with his hacksaw, and I with my knife,
had devoured the brains of our dead neighbour's wife.
When up in the sky arose such an explosion:
a hydrogen bomb causing widespread corrosion,
away from the bunker I flew like a flash,
deciding to risk radiation and rash.
The moon on the breast of the fallout and dust,
gave the lustre of doomsday upon the earth's crust,
when, what to my curious eyes should emerge,
but a mutated man with a pestilent scourge!
With a torrent of foam from his mouth to his knees,
I knew in a moment he must be diseased,
I stabbed him to death as he fell with a thud,
then screamed in an orgy of organs and blood:
"Out, liver! out, kidneys! Out bladder and gall!
Out heart and intestines, the large and the small!
To the top of the spine as to sever the head!
Now fade away! Fade away! Fade away dead!"
As with flesh that before the great blasts decomposed,
when it meets with a skeleton scavenged by crows,
so up in the air did this man's organs fly,
with his corpse emptied out, and no life in his eyes.
And then, in an instant, I heard o'er the hill,
a small band of travelers ripe for the kill,
as I redrew my knife and admired their meat,
their commander was carefully scouring the street.
He was covered with boils, from his head to his toes,
and the clothes that he wore were a dead C.E.O.'s,
a bundle of rations were flung o'er his back,
and he looked like he'd once overseen Freddie Mac.
My mouth, how it watered, my stomach, how famished,
I wanted to turn this man into a sandwich,
with the drool on my chin dripping down to the soil,
my maniacal bloodlust had peaked at a boil.
The butt of my knife I held tight in my teeth,
as I swiftly charged after the trav'lers beneath,
the looks on their faces were scared and perplexed,
when I jumped on their leader and went for his neck.
He was gamy and firm, a right tasty old chap,
and I laughed as I ate him, despite being trapped,
his party encircled me, gathering round,
then beaten unconscious, I fell to the ground...
I spoke not a word as I woke in a daze,
tied up on a spit and encrusted with glaze,
when one of the travelers started a fire,
I knew my existence was soon to expire.
I sang to my slay in delirious pitches,
for my ravenous captors were real sons 'o bitches,
then proclaimed as I burned with my last dying breath:
"MERRY DOOMSDAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL A BLACK DEATH!"
not a creature was living, they'd all turned to sand,
the humans were hung from the bridges with snares,
a sign that the cannibals soon would be there.
The children were scared, hiding under their beds,
while visions of savagery danced through their heads,
and papa with his hacksaw, and I with my knife,
had devoured the brains of our dead neighbour's wife.
When up in the sky arose such an explosion:
a hydrogen bomb causing widespread corrosion,
away from the bunker I flew like a flash,
deciding to risk radiation and rash.
The moon on the breast of the fallout and dust,
gave the lustre of doomsday upon the earth's crust,
when, what to my curious eyes should emerge,
but a mutated man with a pestilent scourge!
With a torrent of foam from his mouth to his knees,
I knew in a moment he must be diseased,
I stabbed him to death as he fell with a thud,
then screamed in an orgy of organs and blood:
"Out, liver! out, kidneys! Out bladder and gall!
Out heart and intestines, the large and the small!
To the top of the spine as to sever the head!
Now fade away! Fade away! Fade away dead!"
As with flesh that before the great blasts decomposed,
when it meets with a skeleton scavenged by crows,
so up in the air did this man's organs fly,
with his corpse emptied out, and no life in his eyes.
And then, in an instant, I heard o'er the hill,
a small band of travelers ripe for the kill,
as I redrew my knife and admired their meat,
their commander was carefully scouring the street.
He was covered with boils, from his head to his toes,
and the clothes that he wore were a dead C.E.O.'s,
a bundle of rations were flung o'er his back,
and he looked like he'd once overseen Freddie Mac.
My mouth, how it watered, my stomach, how famished,
I wanted to turn this man into a sandwich,
with the drool on my chin dripping down to the soil,
my maniacal bloodlust had peaked at a boil.
The butt of my knife I held tight in my teeth,
as I swiftly charged after the trav'lers beneath,
the looks on their faces were scared and perplexed,
when I jumped on their leader and went for his neck.
He was gamy and firm, a right tasty old chap,
and I laughed as I ate him, despite being trapped,
his party encircled me, gathering round,
then beaten unconscious, I fell to the ground...
I spoke not a word as I woke in a daze,
tied up on a spit and encrusted with glaze,
when one of the travelers started a fire,
I knew my existence was soon to expire.
I sang to my slay in delirious pitches,
for my ravenous captors were real sons 'o bitches,
then proclaimed as I burned with my last dying breath:
"MERRY DOOMSDAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL A BLACK DEATH!"
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
"Luggage To Stuff"
Bergruntha, come quickly! Jerome, be advised!
Theres LUGGAGE TO STUFF in the witness's eyes!
His dilated pupils are quite over-sized,
so fetch me a suitcase and let's improvise!
His eyelids are open, his irises green,
his carry-on maxed out the weighing machine!
His punishment needs to be publicly seen,
we'll lube up his bags with a case of visine!
Bergruntha, the bonesaw! Jerome, the scotch tape!
This witness's eyeballs are driving me ape!
His face will soon take on a curious shape...
but that's what you get when you try to escape!
"So, what did he see?" you may question surprised,
"to warrant a bag being stuffed in his eyes?"
The answer, my friend, is as easy as pie:
He witnessed yours truly admiring his thighs.
If he had not seen me, if he had not cared,
he wouldn't be screaming and tied to a chair,
but something annoyed me, the way that he stared,
he thought I was gay...and it's not true, I swear!
Jerome and Bergruntha, for now and herein,
will help me absolve this young witness's sin,
for when we are through, he'll be full of chagrin,
and bags won't be under his eyes, they'll be in...
Theres LUGGAGE TO STUFF in the witness's eyes!
His dilated pupils are quite over-sized,
so fetch me a suitcase and let's improvise!
His eyelids are open, his irises green,
his carry-on maxed out the weighing machine!
His punishment needs to be publicly seen,
we'll lube up his bags with a case of visine!
Bergruntha, the bonesaw! Jerome, the scotch tape!
This witness's eyeballs are driving me ape!
His face will soon take on a curious shape...
but that's what you get when you try to escape!
"So, what did he see?" you may question surprised,
"to warrant a bag being stuffed in his eyes?"
The answer, my friend, is as easy as pie:
He witnessed yours truly admiring his thighs.
If he had not seen me, if he had not cared,
he wouldn't be screaming and tied to a chair,
but something annoyed me, the way that he stared,
he thought I was gay...and it's not true, I swear!
Jerome and Bergruntha, for now and herein,
will help me absolve this young witness's sin,
for when we are through, he'll be full of chagrin,
and bags won't be under his eyes, they'll be in...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
"Stenography Bus"
Distill your Saliva! Channel your lust!
Children, make way for Stenography Bus!
She liquefies infants to bottle their musk,
then siphons their blood into Styrofoam cups!
Children, make way for Stenography Bus!
She liquefies infants to bottle their musk,
then siphons their blood into Styrofoam cups!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
"That Calorpian Demon!"
I'll tell you about a Calorpian Demon,
to shock you in sheer disbelief,
his horns were a' curly,
his muscles a' burly,
he lived in a barrier reef!
Inside of the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would munch on his victims' souls,
he'd wait til' they clustered,
then smear them with mustard,
and stockpile their remnants in bowls!
When leaving the reef for a night at the office,
that Demon would stroll through the park,
he'd stalk every lady,
devour every baby,
but get to the office by dark!
At work, this specific Calorpian Demon,
was famed for his broad expertise,
his figures for killin'
were matched by his skill in
dismembering children with ease!
By dawn the next morn', that Calorpian Demon,
would punch out from work for the night,
he'd eat his assistant,
to keep self-sufficient,
then dance on her burial site!
When back at the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would kick up his feet and relax,
he'd snack on a fetus,
then drink margaritas,
and ponder his demon-ly acts!
*Calorpia is a fictitious nation fraught with perils both demonic and economic. Additionally, the position of "Personal Assistant to That Calorpian Demon" has an extremely high turnover rate.
to shock you in sheer disbelief,
his horns were a' curly,
his muscles a' burly,
he lived in a barrier reef!
Inside of the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would munch on his victims' souls,
he'd wait til' they clustered,
then smear them with mustard,
and stockpile their remnants in bowls!
When leaving the reef for a night at the office,
that Demon would stroll through the park,
he'd stalk every lady,
devour every baby,
but get to the office by dark!
At work, this specific Calorpian Demon,
was famed for his broad expertise,
his figures for killin'
were matched by his skill in
dismembering children with ease!
By dawn the next morn', that Calorpian Demon,
would punch out from work for the night,
he'd eat his assistant,
to keep self-sufficient,
then dance on her burial site!
When back at the reef, that Calorpian Demon,
would kick up his feet and relax,
he'd snack on a fetus,
then drink margaritas,
and ponder his demon-ly acts!
*Calorpia is a fictitious nation fraught with perils both demonic and economic. Additionally, the position of "Personal Assistant to That Calorpian Demon" has an extremely high turnover rate.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
"Cheevers The Pulp Salesman"
Should Cheevers The Pulp Salesman knock at your door,
give welcome with kindness, develop rapport,
for should you give Cheevers a reason for war,
he'll disrobe your skin to a musical score.
He'll flirt with your nostrils, he'll dance with your tongue,
he'll sip chardonnay while he sweet-talks your lungs,
he'll BOAST to your spleen 'bout the length that he's hung,
for courting your innards makes Cheevers feel young.
"But how 'bout his PULP?" you may wonder perplexed...
Have patience, you scoundrel, I'm getting there next!
Your rude interruption has made me quite vexed,
when this tale is over, I'll beat you do death!
See, PULP-WISE, Ol' Cheevers is stocked to the brim,
for hijacking PULP from his Siamese Twin
allows him to sell at a dollar per bin...
his quarterly profits are stashed in Berlin!
SO...
Should Cheevers The Pulp Salesman come to your home,
just purchase his pulp, and he'll leave you alone,
denying him business enrages his BONES,
but helps him make love to your retinal cones!
*Narrator beats reader to death*
give welcome with kindness, develop rapport,
for should you give Cheevers a reason for war,
he'll disrobe your skin to a musical score.
He'll flirt with your nostrils, he'll dance with your tongue,
he'll sip chardonnay while he sweet-talks your lungs,
he'll BOAST to your spleen 'bout the length that he's hung,
for courting your innards makes Cheevers feel young.
"But how 'bout his PULP?" you may wonder perplexed...
Have patience, you scoundrel, I'm getting there next!
Your rude interruption has made me quite vexed,
when this tale is over, I'll beat you do death!
See, PULP-WISE, Ol' Cheevers is stocked to the brim,
for hijacking PULP from his Siamese Twin
allows him to sell at a dollar per bin...
his quarterly profits are stashed in Berlin!
SO...
Should Cheevers The Pulp Salesman come to your home,
just purchase his pulp, and he'll leave you alone,
denying him business enrages his BONES,
but helps him make love to your retinal cones!
*Narrator beats reader to death*
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"Calligraphy Scallion"
Caligraphy Scallion proposed legislation
to Senators grand and elite:
"I'm leery of sustenance in this great nation...
let's make it illegal to eat!"
The Senate, intrigued by his new-age proposal,
decided to hear out the bill,
though grassroots support would be stiff and immobile,
he'd seen the law work in Brazil.
"See, calories never did NOTHIN' for NO ONE!"
he stated whilst slamming his fist,
"I'd rather be shot by a poisonous blow gun
than munch on a satchel of chips!"
"Unless I'm mistaken," one Senator stated,
"Don't people need food to survive?"
"Of COURSE not, Caligraphy Scallion debated,
it's starving that keeps you alive!"
The Senate, compelled by his rational pleading,
soon signed the young bill into law,
aware that the subsequent legal proceeding,
would draw a collective "Hurrah!"
Caligraphy Scallion concluded the session,
the Senate recessed until Spring,
when scientists championed food repossession,
he'd know that he'd done the right thing.
to Senators grand and elite:
"I'm leery of sustenance in this great nation...
let's make it illegal to eat!"
The Senate, intrigued by his new-age proposal,
decided to hear out the bill,
though grassroots support would be stiff and immobile,
he'd seen the law work in Brazil.
"See, calories never did NOTHIN' for NO ONE!"
he stated whilst slamming his fist,
"I'd rather be shot by a poisonous blow gun
than munch on a satchel of chips!"
"Unless I'm mistaken," one Senator stated,
"Don't people need food to survive?"
"Of COURSE not, Caligraphy Scallion debated,
it's starving that keeps you alive!"
The Senate, compelled by his rational pleading,
soon signed the young bill into law,
aware that the subsequent legal proceeding,
would draw a collective "Hurrah!"
Caligraphy Scallion concluded the session,
the Senate recessed until Spring,
when scientists championed food repossession,
he'd know that he'd done the right thing.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
"A Prince For Bergruntha"
Bergruntha was a spicy wench,
who lusted for a prince,
a nobleman with little stench,
compelled her lust convinced.
She traipsed about the village square,
as naked as they come,
"I'd LOVE a Prince who's fought a bear!"
she cooed whilst drinking rum.
A group of Princes gathered 'round
Bergruntha's lusty form,
"I fought a bear AND ate a clown!"
spoke one to toot his horn.
"Now listen, boys," Bergruntha moaned,
voluptuous and grand,
"Bergruntha's Prince must lease, not own
a boat that's second hand!"
"I've only got a brand new boat!"
piped one Prince from the side,
"Well then, I'll kick you in the throat!"
that spicy wench replied.
Of all the suitors in the crowd,
Bergruntha found no mate,
"I'm sultry, but you're not allowed
to help me procreate!"
The Princes hung their heads in shame,
and exited the square,
Bergruntha's lust could not be tamed...
to them it seemed unfair.
Bergruntha, now reflecting on,
the Princes she'd denied,
decided to wreak doom upon,
all peoples nationwide.
THE END.
who lusted for a prince,
a nobleman with little stench,
compelled her lust convinced.
She traipsed about the village square,
as naked as they come,
"I'd LOVE a Prince who's fought a bear!"
she cooed whilst drinking rum.
A group of Princes gathered 'round
Bergruntha's lusty form,
"I fought a bear AND ate a clown!"
spoke one to toot his horn.
"Now listen, boys," Bergruntha moaned,
voluptuous and grand,
"Bergruntha's Prince must lease, not own
a boat that's second hand!"
"I've only got a brand new boat!"
piped one Prince from the side,
"Well then, I'll kick you in the throat!"
that spicy wench replied.
Of all the suitors in the crowd,
Bergruntha found no mate,
"I'm sultry, but you're not allowed
to help me procreate!"
The Princes hung their heads in shame,
and exited the square,
Bergruntha's lust could not be tamed...
to them it seemed unfair.
Bergruntha, now reflecting on,
the Princes she'd denied,
decided to wreak doom upon,
all peoples nationwide.
THE END.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
*intermission*
Hello, you apes,
I've started to post readings of my poems (amongst other goonery) on YouTube under the name "acebedrin"...here are a couple of them:
Calorie Goof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNEIFWD7E4g
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx1v7pF2UH0
I swear to God I'm not a douchebag...I was never fond of the idea of YouTube before recently, but have now conceded to its awesome power as an expressive medium. I justify my actions by assuring you that I won't use to it to publicize my political opinions or whine about things. Apologies in advance to anyone who just finds them plain annoying (seriously).
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka insanitybear aka acebedrin
I've started to post readings of my poems (amongst other goonery) on YouTube under the name "acebedrin"...here are a couple of them:
Calorie Goof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNEIFWD7E4g
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx1v7pF2UH0
I swear to God I'm not a douchebag...I was never fond of the idea of YouTube before recently, but have now conceded to its awesome power as an expressive medium. I justify my actions by assuring you that I won't use to it to publicize my political opinions or whine about things. Apologies in advance to anyone who just finds them plain annoying (seriously).
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka insanitybear aka acebedrin
Saturday, June 12, 2010
"Calorie Goof"
Siphon your eyes! Shingle your roof!
Spot-weld your face, 'cause its CALORIE GOOF!
He'll snort honey mustard while drinking vermouth,
then castrate your 'Pa in a telephone booth!
Spot-weld your face, 'cause its CALORIE GOOF!
He'll snort honey mustard while drinking vermouth,
then castrate your 'Pa in a telephone booth!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
"Demented Uncle Soupface"
Demented Uncle Soupface was a swine to end all pigs,
who bore his children in a boat, then locked them in the brig,
"Please let us out!" the children yelled, "We're skinnier than twigs!"
but all he did was cackle as he danced a merry jig.
Demented Uncle Soupface coaxed a tapeworm up his nose,
whilst trying to find a reason for his legs to decompose,
when suddenly his hair turned blonde as Marilyn Monroe's,
he danced along the boardwalk with his testicles exposed.
Demented Uncle Soupface was the sanest of the sane,
whose common sense was envied o'er the land and 'cross the plain,
his children (though he loved them dear), did nothing but complain,
but soon they'd see what it was like inside their Uncle's Brain...
who bore his children in a boat, then locked them in the brig,
"Please let us out!" the children yelled, "We're skinnier than twigs!"
but all he did was cackle as he danced a merry jig.
Demented Uncle Soupface coaxed a tapeworm up his nose,
whilst trying to find a reason for his legs to decompose,
when suddenly his hair turned blonde as Marilyn Monroe's,
he danced along the boardwalk with his testicles exposed.
Demented Uncle Soupface was the sanest of the sane,
whose common sense was envied o'er the land and 'cross the plain,
his children (though he loved them dear), did nothing but complain,
but soon they'd see what it was like inside their Uncle's Brain...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
"Pluh-Fronga The Penguin"
(pluh-frawn-guh)
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin (assaulting a stork),
was publically chiding the Mayor of New York,
"Hey, Michael!" he jeered while he dry-humped Bjork,
"I voted for you, then you ate all my pork!
Mayor Bloomberg, embarrased by what he'd begun,
soon ordered Pluh-Fronga to deep-fry a nun,
"Make sure she cooks tender and has lots of fun!"
Pluh-Fronga obeyed, whilst absolving Tim Gunn.
The Mayor and the Penguin, both men of their word,
decided their conflict was far too absurd,
"I'll sell you a nun, then divide her in thirds!"
said Pluh-Fronga The Penguin, promise inferred.
Pluh-Fronga The Penguin (assaulting a stork),
was publically chiding the Mayor of New York,
"Hey, Michael!" he jeered while he dry-humped Bjork,
"I voted for you, then you ate all my pork!
Mayor Bloomberg, embarrased by what he'd begun,
soon ordered Pluh-Fronga to deep-fry a nun,
"Make sure she cooks tender and has lots of fun!"
Pluh-Fronga obeyed, whilst absolving Tim Gunn.
The Mayor and the Penguin, both men of their word,
decided their conflict was far too absurd,
"I'll sell you a nun, then divide her in thirds!"
said Pluh-Fronga The Penguin, promise inferred.
"The Beverage Beast"
The Beverage Beast comes out to drink,
when stars come out to shine!
He'll disconnect your kitchen sink,
and wrap your bones with twine!
The Beverage Beast doth have a thirst,
to rival parch-ed men,
and with your sink he'll place a curse,
on dollars changed to yen!
The Beverage Beast (a stubborn drunk),
is not adverse to harm,
he'd liquify a feral skunk,
and drink it on a farm!
So, shouldst thou cross The Beverage Beast,
the option left for you
is: "Drink a beverage made with yeast",
(I've heard that beer will do.)
when stars come out to shine!
He'll disconnect your kitchen sink,
and wrap your bones with twine!
The Beverage Beast doth have a thirst,
to rival parch-ed men,
and with your sink he'll place a curse,
on dollars changed to yen!
The Beverage Beast (a stubborn drunk),
is not adverse to harm,
he'd liquify a feral skunk,
and drink it on a farm!
So, shouldst thou cross The Beverage Beast,
the option left for you
is: "Drink a beverage made with yeast",
(I've heard that beer will do.)
"Ya Grenny" (Bermudian)
Ya Bedrin's mug,
ya Auntie's safe,
ya Grenny's pretty kewl,
Shus sallin' drugs,
to wayward waifs,
den sendin' deym to skewl.
DUN.....ya Grenny's SEXY!
ya Auntie's safe,
ya Grenny's pretty kewl,
Shus sallin' drugs,
to wayward waifs,
den sendin' deym to skewl.
DUN.....ya Grenny's SEXY!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
"Convecting With Stevens"
Convecting with Stevens was always a bore,
the heat made him question the hinges on doors,
"I'm having those flashbacks about the Cold War!"
he'd say to the hinges whilst eating C4.
Convecting with Stevens was never enough,
"This heat makes me think that I'm Hillary Duff!"
he'd scream exothermically, trimming his muff,
whilst callously butchering Shia LaBeouf.
Convecting with Stevens was troubling work,
he'd eat all my tax forms, then call me a "jerk",
t'was tiring, yes, and there weren't many perks,
but Stevens would soon make me "Head Oven Clerk"!
the heat made him question the hinges on doors,
"I'm having those flashbacks about the Cold War!"
he'd say to the hinges whilst eating C4.
Convecting with Stevens was never enough,
"This heat makes me think that I'm Hillary Duff!"
he'd scream exothermically, trimming his muff,
whilst callously butchering Shia LaBeouf.
Convecting with Stevens was troubling work,
he'd eat all my tax forms, then call me a "jerk",
t'was tiring, yes, and there weren't many perks,
but Stevens would soon make me "Head Oven Clerk"!
Monday, May 31, 2010
intermission
These poems are ridiculously fun to write, but kind of hurt my head when I focus on them too much...its easier to just let it flow.
I hope that people reading this (if there are any) are enjoying it so far. I'd appreciate any feedback you have...whether you love the Gellybird or just plain despise Bergruntha (that horrific wench), please give your commentary!
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka. InsanityBear
I hope that people reading this (if there are any) are enjoying it so far. I'd appreciate any feedback you have...whether you love the Gellybird or just plain despise Bergruntha (that horrific wench), please give your commentary!
Sincerely,
Charles Doyle
aka. InsanityBear
"Caruso The Steel Worker"
Caruso The Steel Worker suffers the most,
when his toes gets possessed by a dead game-show host,
his eyeballs explode as he tends to the roast,
then he lies on his back and admires the coast.
when his toes gets possessed by a dead game-show host,
his eyeballs explode as he tends to the roast,
then he lies on his back and admires the coast.
"Shabumba's Ballad"
Shabumba was a grande olde whale,
the grandest in the sea,
whose Gran had taught her all she knew,
of grandiosity.
"SHABUMBA!" drunken Goons would chant,
in pubs both far and wide,
"I'd maim my Wife and slay my Aunt,
to make that whale my bride!"
But if you knew The Lady Whale,
Shabumba, as do I,
You'd know that seeking sex from her,
would make your children cry.
the grandest in the sea,
whose Gran had taught her all she knew,
of grandiosity.
"SHABUMBA!" drunken Goons would chant,
in pubs both far and wide,
"I'd maim my Wife and slay my Aunt,
to make that whale my bride!"
But if you knew The Lady Whale,
Shabumba, as do I,
You'd know that seeking sex from her,
would make your children cry.
"Bergruntha & The Walrus"
Bergruntha met Jungleton Jacobs one day,
on a Walrus designed for a King,
its tusks were quite dusty,
Bergruntha was lusty,
The Walrus decided to sing:
"I hate you, Bergruntha, you crazy old broad,
and I thought Mister Jacobs should know,
your campaign in Poland,
to ban the name "Roland",
is fascistly-strange and Po-Mo."
"I'd never make love to a woman like that!"
mumbled Jacobs, dismounting the beast.
The Walrus had blown it,
Bergruntha disowned it,
and melted its blubber to grease.
on a Walrus designed for a King,
its tusks were quite dusty,
Bergruntha was lusty,
The Walrus decided to sing:
"I hate you, Bergruntha, you crazy old broad,
and I thought Mister Jacobs should know,
your campaign in Poland,
to ban the name "Roland",
is fascistly-strange and Po-Mo."
"I'd never make love to a woman like that!"
mumbled Jacobs, dismounting the beast.
The Walrus had blown it,
Bergruntha disowned it,
and melted its blubber to grease.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
"Relying On Benson"
Relying on Benson is never a grand
idea, because he'll demolish your hands,
as soon as he cuts you, you'll be needing band
-aids, but you can't help it, your blood turns to jam!
Is that how Young Benson would want to remember
his victims? As handless? Jam-blooded? Dismembered?
A goat had once stopped him from placing a blender
on top of his head as he questioned his gender.
So, whether a builder who's just put a fence in,
or priest who's forgiven a church full of dense sin,
remember as if there was only one lesson,
that nobody wins when Relying On Benson...
idea, because he'll demolish your hands,
as soon as he cuts you, you'll be needing band
-aids, but you can't help it, your blood turns to jam!
Is that how Young Benson would want to remember
his victims? As handless? Jam-blooded? Dismembered?
A goat had once stopped him from placing a blender
on top of his head as he questioned his gender.
So, whether a builder who's just put a fence in,
or priest who's forgiven a church full of dense sin,
remember as if there was only one lesson,
that nobody wins when Relying On Benson...
"Technology Swine"
Standing in Line! Minding the Time!
Drinking some paint with "Technology Swine"!
He'll spray you with bleach as he alters your spine!
Then FedEx your bones to The Land Before Time!
Drinking some paint with "Technology Swine"!
He'll spray you with bleach as he alters your spine!
Then FedEx your bones to The Land Before Time!
"Depravity Snare"
Hey, you...
YEAH, you!
"what DO you plan to DO?",
when Depravity Snare,
snares youre Auntie Sue?
YEAH, you!
"what DO you plan to DO?",
when Depravity Snare,
snares youre Auntie Sue?
"The Bludgeoned Goon"
"The bludgeoned GOON!" Bergruntha wailed,
conceding to the hounds,
"perhaps you're meant to see the moon,
convulsing from your mounds!"
"Come, shave an eel!" the hounds had piped,
their harmonies in tune,
"I know we're cute, but GOSH, you brute,
our mum abuses spoons!"
Bergruntha, not accustomed to,
a hound whose Mum was mad,
decided that The Bludgeoned Goon,
was likely just a fad.
"OH, WELL!"
conceding to the hounds,
"perhaps you're meant to see the moon,
convulsing from your mounds!"
"Come, shave an eel!" the hounds had piped,
their harmonies in tune,
"I know we're cute, but GOSH, you brute,
our mum abuses spoons!"
Bergruntha, not accustomed to,
a hound whose Mum was mad,
decided that The Bludgeoned Goon,
was likely just a fad.
"OH, WELL!"
"Ballad of the Gellybird"
There was a dainty Gellybird,
who lived beneath a moat,
"I wish I was an ape," he purred,
igniting several goats.
"These chunky boosters hinder me,
me body's made of gel,"
he whispered rather timidly,
whilst eating a hotel.
"A horse I'd milk to leave this place,"
the Gellybird did say.
"...I'd eat a glacier in discrace,
with lustful mounds of clay!"
"Alas," the Gellybird did moan,
his options were at none,
for if he strayed too far from home:
"A SOLAR-POWERED NUN!"
who lived beneath a moat,
"I wish I was an ape," he purred,
igniting several goats.
"These chunky boosters hinder me,
me body's made of gel,"
he whispered rather timidly,
whilst eating a hotel.
"A horse I'd milk to leave this place,"
the Gellybird did say.
"...I'd eat a glacier in discrace,
with lustful mounds of clay!"
"Alas," the Gellybird did moan,
his options were at none,
for if he strayed too far from home:
"A SOLAR-POWERED NUN!"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
"Ode to Industry Ham"
Industry Ham, Industry Ham,
Why aren't you part of a Glindustry Sham?
I looked up your Aunt, she was covered in Jam,
referring to me as a "Unionized Clam".
Believe me, old boy,
I'd be hard-pressed to see,
an Industry Ham who's as shameless as me,
I'd part with my children and splinter my knee,
for a chance to make LUST to an Evergreen Tree.
"A tree?" said Muldoon, as he danced a fine jig,
belt-sanding his face with a Cobbler's Wig,
"You'd prob'ly equate it to slaying a pig...
I wish I could help, but my BONES are too big!"
THE END?
Why aren't you part of a Glindustry Sham?
I looked up your Aunt, she was covered in Jam,
referring to me as a "Unionized Clam".
Believe me, old boy,
I'd be hard-pressed to see,
an Industry Ham who's as shameless as me,
I'd part with my children and splinter my knee,
for a chance to make LUST to an Evergreen Tree.
"A tree?" said Muldoon, as he danced a fine jig,
belt-sanding his face with a Cobbler's Wig,
"You'd prob'ly equate it to slaying a pig...
I wish I could help, but my BONES are too big!"
THE END?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Welcome to the Insaniporium!
Welcome to The Insaniporium!
My name is Charles Doyle (a.k.a InsanityBear). I hail from Bermuda originally, but now live in Canada. I am a goon who needed a way to channel my pent-up energy, and subsequently decided to create a blog (THIS is THAT blog!). HOLY GALUNGAZOID! Much of what you discover within will come across as the ramblings of a mental patient, but it is important to me, so CLAMS TO YOU!
There will very little discernible structure here in the Insaniporium. I love to tangent, and though I will probably focus more heavily on some subjects than others, this purpose of this blog is to channel and perpetuate the spread of RANDOM, CREATIVE ENERGY. Interpret that however you will.
I've realized recently that I absolutely love the potential for expressiveness in the English language, and want to show you exactly what I mean by that. There might be literature, there might be poetry...there might Grit-Mature, there might be Show-A-Flea...but there will DEFINITELY be zany times!
ENJOY!
InsanityBear
My name is Charles Doyle (a.k.a InsanityBear). I hail from Bermuda originally, but now live in Canada. I am a goon who needed a way to channel my pent-up energy, and subsequently decided to create a blog (THIS is THAT blog!). HOLY GALUNGAZOID! Much of what you discover within will come across as the ramblings of a mental patient, but it is important to me, so CLAMS TO YOU!
There will very little discernible structure here in the Insaniporium. I love to tangent, and though I will probably focus more heavily on some subjects than others, this purpose of this blog is to channel and perpetuate the spread of RANDOM, CREATIVE ENERGY. Interpret that however you will.
I've realized recently that I absolutely love the potential for expressiveness in the English language, and want to show you exactly what I mean by that. There might be literature, there might be poetry...there might Grit-Mature, there might be Show-A-Flea...but there will DEFINITELY be zany times!
ENJOY!
InsanityBear
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